When People Are Difficult
Devotional week 40
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
Romans 12:18 (NIV)
What do you do when someone you work closely with begins to get under your skin? It is easy to be gracious when a relationship is going well. The real test often comes when we feel misunderstood, dismissed or hurt.
I recently found myself in this situation with my business partner. He made repeated comments that I found dismissive and unfair, particularly about women and their ability to work well with others. At first, I chose to let them pass. But as the comments continued, I realized I could no longer simply ignore them.
Eventually, I told him how his comments affected me. I had hoped the conversation would help us understand each other better. Instead, he became more firm in his position, and our relationship became strained.
What has stayed with me is not only the disagreement, but the question of how I should respond.
When someone hurts us, our first instinct can be to defend ourselves, withdraw or respond in kind. We may even begin to see the other person mainly through the thing that has offended us.
Romans 12:18 gives me something more practical to consider:
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
That phrase, “as far as it depends on you,” matters. It reminds me that a relationship involves another person whose choices I cannot control. I cannot make my business partner see things differently, apologize or respond as I would hope. What I can examine is my part.
For me, that means I can disagree without disrespecting my business partner. I can speak honestly without trying to hurt him in return. I can stand by what I believe without allowing resentment to take over.
Perhaps difficult relationships reveal something important about the kind of people we are becoming. We may not be able to determine how someone else behaves towards us, but we still have a say in what their behaviour produces in us. We may not choose everyone we work with. But we can choose how we carry ourselves when relationships become difficult.
Reflect
Is there someone whose words or behaviour have been difficult for you?
Is there a conversation you need to have, a boundary you need to set, or a hurt you need to release?
Prayer
Lord, You know the relationships that are difficult for me.
Give me wisdom to know when to speak and when to be quiet. Help me to stand for what is right without becoming bitter. Help me to respond in a way that reflects You.
Amen.
A Tent International Devotional