Four types of love that can change your life and bring joy to your workplace
Valentine’s day puts love at the center of February. Love is, however, much more than the romance we celebrate at the feast of Saint Valentine. Why not use February to learn how love in different forms can change your life and bring joy to your work?
In ancient Greek there are at least seven words for love. Let us focus on four of them and how they can impact our lives.
Philia-love as friendship or affection
Philia-love is often translated as friendship or affection. We can for instance find the phrase `Philia' in a word like philanthropy. According to Oxford Languages, philanthropy means “the desire to promote the welfare of others.” What a revolution it would be in many workplaces if this was at the core of the culture. Business is often known for its pointed elbows. People want to make a career and climb – even if we must pull others down as we try to reach new personal heights. Friendships and relationships in the workplace can be sacrificed as we compete with the people around us for higher, more visible, and, assumingly, more important positions. A workplace formed by philia love and “the desire to promote the welfare of others,” will look completely different.
Ken Blanchard is a widely known author and expert on leadership. Several of his books have become best-sellers – including “The One Minute Manager” that he co-authored with Spencer Johnson. Blanchard has also co-authored the book “Lead like Jesus.” Here the authors state that “Self-promotion (pride) and self-protection (fear) are the reigning motivations that dominate the leadership landscape.” I believe that this does not only apply to leaders, but to every one of us. The authors continue, “If your driving motivations are self-promotion and self-protection, you will use your influence with others to fulfil these needs. If your actions are driven by service and dedication to a cause or a relationship, then you will model and encourage these values in others.”
Many people seek affirmation through their work. We want to know that we are valuable. In a work environment where everyone seeks confirmation of their value, no one will get what they need. The Bible can provide help. It states that we are created in the image of God. God designed us the way he wanted us. Thus, I can be confident in the role and design I have even if others are better than me in many things. Since other people’s cleverness is thus no longer a threat, I can start affirming people around me, acknowledging their good and God-given skills. Even if people pass me in the work hierarchy, I can rejoice that I have been a part of their journey to success.
The story about Jonathan and David in the Bible, displays a strong and lasting friendship where they protect each other and take delight in each other’s success. Jonathan, the son of king Saul, was the rightful heir to the throne. When king Saul wanted to kill David, Jonathan did however help him escape. He even confirmed God’s calling to David saying: “Don’t be afraid. (..)My father will never find you! You are going to be the king of Israel, and I will be next to you, as my father, Saul, is well aware” (1 Sam 23:17, NLT).
The story of David also reminds of eros, the Greek word for romantic love
In his work as king, David had many temptations. One of them involved lust. In a weak moment, when he was at home while his soldiers were in the battlefield, he was tempted when he saw Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah. He slept with her, and she got pregnant. Trying to cover his sin, David even made sure that Uriah was killed. You can read the full story in 2 Samuel 11.
The #MeToo-movement in social media came as a shocking eyeopener to many of us when it started emerging in 2017. Many respectable leaders whom we had looked up to, were suddenly forced to admit sexual harassment and abuse. Several of them had to leave their positions. The Christian sector was not an exception. Many of us were both shaken and filled with sadness when it was revealed that Ravi Zacharias, one of the great leaders and apologists of our time, had been a sexual abuser.
Leaders are, however, not the only ones who are tempted sexually. In most cultures, the workspace is a setting where women and men freely meet and friendship between the genders develop. In this environment it is natural that we also encounter people we feel attracted to. As Christians we believe that the gender polarity is created by God. Channeled in the right way, it can release a lot of energy that can be used for good. Channeled in the wrong way, it can lead to destruction of relationships and families.
A few years ago, I stumbled across a book named “Be a better dad today.” It is written by Gregory Slayton and Charles Colson. The authors describe how potential new partners may look better and more attractive than the spouse you have. The main reason for this is that you only see these potential partners in their best moments, whereas you share the full life with its ups and downs, with your current spouse. The situation does, however, change if you follow the temptation and marry the new partner. Suddenly, everyday life with good and bad days kicks in also with this person. The authors warn that statistically, “the divorce rate for second marriages is almost twice that of first marriages.”
David and the way he treated Bathsheba and Uriah can serve as a warning to all of us. David’s great-grandfather can on the contrary be a good example of love in the workplace. The book of Ruth describes how Boaz as a land and business owner protects and provides for a poor woman he initially does not even know. Instead of lusting after her, he lifts her up. Later, this woman, whose name is Ruth, becomes his wife. As a man of honor, Boaz does make sure that everything happens in its prescribed order and at the right time.
Workers in companies that have leaders of integrity, like Boaz, are often proud of their workplaces.
Boaz’ story leads us to the third kind of love, which in Greek is storge
This word usually describes the love between parents and offspring. It can however also be used to depict our love or enthusiasm for a nation, a place, a workplace, or a sports team.
Let us use sports as an example. I have been a devout Liverpool fan (football/soccer) since I saw Liverpool beat Newcastle 3-0 in the FA-cup final in 1974. So, in May this year I will celebrate 50 years of being a fan and loving this club. Throughout this half century, we have celebrated many victories. But we have also suffered through lots of defeats. If you love a club, you do, however, stand with it in both good and bad days.
I have been to Liverpool’s stadium, Anfield Road, only once. It was a wonderful experience, and it also gave me an important lesson to learn. The match was against West Ham and as fans we were cheering well on our team as the match went on. However, something did happen when Liverpool conceded, and West Ham took the lead early in the second half. The temporary defeat did not cause the supporters to voice their disappointment with the team. On the contrary, from this moment until the end of the match, the supporters were cheering like never before, giving their players the best support, they could. The players reacted well, and in the end, they took home a 3-2 win.
In today’s world there are many individualistic cultures. God does however call us to fellowship, and to accomplish things in companionship with others in the workplaces, companies, and entities we belong to. There will always be ups and downs in a workplace, and problems and challenges should be addressed. At the same time, there are usually many good things in most places as well. Life and work become much better if we focus on what is good and develop a love for, and speak well of, our workplace, the company we work for, or the community we are a part of.
Some years ago, my family and I lived in a nation in Central Asia. The city looked gray, and the river dividing the city center had dried out. Many things did not work. Still, over time, we developed a love for the city and its people, and we felt hurt and offended when visitors started complaining about what they experienced and saw. We had started identifying with the city and were willing to go a long way to defend it.
In the Bible, the soldier Uriah, displays storge-love more than anyone. He stayed faithful to his team of soldiers and to his nation, even if the king wanted him to act differently. His love for the fellowship he belonged to, and his integrity, caused his death due to the king’s unfaithfulness. Uriah did however die as an honorable man. You can read the full story of Uriah, Bathsheba, and David in 2 Samuel 11.
Uriah’s life leads us to the fourth and last kind of love that we are sure will give joy to life and work.
The Greek word for this love is agape
One of the Greek meanings of this word is unconditional love. Among followers of Jesus, this was the word used to describe God’s love. According to the Bible, this love “is patient and kind.” It “is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.” This love “never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (1 Cor 13;4-8, NLT).
We all understand that this kind of love is life-giving and will change workplaces and communities wherever it is present. As humans we need God’s help to love unconditionally. When we are connected to him however, his agape love can, at least to some extent, flow through us.
In Tent we teach cultures and cross-cultural understanding. One attitude we ask people to have when they enter a new culture, is to always look for what God has placed in that culture. Instead of focusing on differences, we start on a treasure hunt where we want to find the gold that is there.
Mother Theresa once said, “People are unrealistic, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway.” As we mentioned under the paragraph of philia-love, we believe that all people are created in the image of God. That applies also to co-workers whom we might find extremely difficult to deal with. When we struggle the most, it is important to remind ourselves that these challenging people are also created by our God and bear his image. This can cause us to hunt for and dig out treasures in their personalities. We are also called to pray for our co-workers. A friend of mine once shared what happened when she started doing that. She wanted the people around her to change. Her testimony after praying was, however, that she, herself, had changed in her attitude towards them.
Jesus is the best representative of agape love in the Bible. Rom 5,6-8 states, “When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners” (NLT).
Four types of love
Over the years, I have been to a good number of funerals. It is always interesting to listen when people share memories about the one who has passed away. Usually, very little is said about work accomplishments or careers. Instead, people speak about their relationship to the one who has died. Very often, the memorial speeches contain words on how the one who has died loved the one who holds the speech.
Let us not be overwhelmed by the task of potentially bringing four kinds of love to our workplaces. Let us rather, trust that God’s love flows through us as he has promised. Let us then in all we do remember that “three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” 1 Cor 13,13
Steinar Opheim
